Seasonal Relationships

One of the most common themes when it comes to personal growth is how the dymanics change amongst your relationships everywhere. Not just in romantic relationships, but friendships, family, job relationships, etc. It is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It's just a guarnateed aspect of the change. You are changing, you are bettering yourself. Your attitude is different. Your motivation is different. Your interests are different. The dymanic we have in relationships is based on the current version of you. It was fitting for the time. But time waits for no one. It continues ticking whether we are able to catch up or not.

They say that relationships are seasonal and it seems so cliche to say that, but honestly, there is no other way to describe it.

People come into our lives for a reason. To teach us something. To show us something. To make us feel something. To fill a void that is maybe missing. To make us realize either what we want or what we don't want.

The relationships that remain strong through your personal growth succeed because they too, are growing. It doesn't mean we have to do the same thing, or grow in the same way but if we are growing together, then we are leveling up together and then we are staying on the same road track together.

The problem is, not everyone embraces change. People have a hard time deciding to change. Helloooo, we ALL struggled to make changes so we definitely understand how hard it is and not everyone is ready to embrace it just yet. Just like how we have to determine for ourselves when we are ready, we have to give others space needed to figure it out. But that is when the disconnect begins to happen, when the distance between phone calls or visits grows. Sometimes it can turn into resentment of either party because we don't embrace change well.

We are used to patterns of behavior. So when patterns change, it sets us into some derailment. People panic, overthinking, become aggressive, passive or backs away entirely.

The hardest thing for us to do as humans is to express our feelings with one another and communicate effectively. It's honestly, in my opinion, the biggest downfall in every failed relationship. Our inability to speak to each other from the heart in a healthy manner. We are often fueled by emotions, responding irrationally in the moment instead of removing ourselves from the emotion and looking at the straight facts in front of us.

I don't like to have conversations that are emotionally fueled. In my wiser years now I have learned to stop conversations where they are and express that I would like to revisit this later when there is more centered thought. I ain't perfect at it. I haven't fully mastered it yet but I approach it that way first, every chance I can get.

Until we can learn to listen to each others' concerns, not be afraid to be honest without judgement or critisicm, then we will be more open to communicate.

Sometimes it is just easier to walk away entirely and forget about it. Many people have that approach because it is easier or the fear overcomes them. By why the fear? You aren't afraid the the fear of losing them if you are walking away?

For me, it's a case by case basis. Those who are important to me and bring value to my current life, I will work on what I can to give it everything I have to find the bridge between us. And if not, then I can walk away knowing I gave it as much as I could. There are those who brought value and then we drifted apart because either one or both of us changed, and we were no longer in alignment and that is okay.

In my life, I have had toxic relationships, abusive relationships, love bombing me relationships, loyal relationships, drama relationships, healthy relationships, childhood relationships and in every single person, I have learned something from all of them. I have grown from every experience and I honestly wouldn't change anything. Some of them I reflect back with subtle sadness that it didn't remain, but it was for a reason. We grew apart. I wasn't liking the person I was becoming and for that alone, I have no regrets.

People don't understand me often. I am someone who has had people walk over me, treat me like shit, criticize me and yet I still give people more chances as time heals. It's not that I am some weird glutton for punishment. I know the kind of person who I used to be and how I have changed exponentially for the better. so I know first hand it is possible if you want it. I would hate to be forever condemed for the mistakes of my past if I have grown positively from it. Sadly, the average person can't see past that, but I can. I am a firm believer that anyone can change if they want it and that means that any relationship can be repaired if both people are fully on board to heal from the roots out.

So yes, relationships can only last a season, but seasons can always come back if it was meant to be, the timing is right and the weather fits. And, if not, then instead of being angry and living there, grieve it for what it was, reflect on what you could have done differently, accept the phase that it is now and learn from it. Do you want the make the same mistakes next time or do it differently? What was good, what wasn't?

I am always in search of seeking balance everywhere and sometimes I fail temporarily. I have adopted this motto of "Petty thoughts, not petty actions." Have the thoughts and get it out of your system if you need to, but it's not worth it to act it out. A single decision made from an emotional place can't always be taken back and it's not worth it.

When you look at the immediate relationships around you, what vibe does it bring? Uplifting, safe, loving, accepting? Or toxic, dramatic, obnoxious? We often adapt around the closet to us so decide if your circle is the circle you strive for that will help you be the best version of yourself. And if not? Then maybe it's time to travel to a place with better weather.

Namaste Bishes.